They Weren’t Right Age for an Instant Success

Instant replay was rejected by NFL owners this season, prompting CBS-TV analyst John Madden to tell the Boston Globe that retired officials shouldn’t have been used to review plays.

“They had the wrong guys--old guys--trying to run it,” Madden said. “They should hire and train young people to do it. Video is for the young.

“Did you ever try to learn one of those video games? It takes kids only a few minutes. They’re not afraid like us. We were always told stand back from video because the rays could hurt us.”

Trivia time: Name the college football team that holds the NCAA record for most points scored per game in a season.

Think again: Miami football Coach Dennis Erickson, analyzing his heavily favored team’s 8-7 victory over Arizona on Saturday:

“I haven’t been around a team that scored (just) eight points my whole life,” he told the Miami Herald.

Erickson has a short memory. While coaching at Washington State in 1987, his team scored only seven points while being routed by Stanford, Arizona State and USC.

Boring: A headline in the San Jose Mercury News, “Does Soccer Injure the Brain?” prompted this reply from San Francisco Examiner columnist Art Spander: “Only by watching.”

What, no rings? Outfielder Glenallen Hill of the Cleveland Indians is fashion conscious. He wears white wristbands, skin-tight pants, sunglasses, gold chains and earrings.

“When I get ready to play, I put on my uniform the way I want to wear it,” Hill said. “If I look good, maybe it’s because I have a great body.”

Modest fellow.

Streaking Jets: The New York Jets are winless after four games and Rich Cimini of Newsday analyzed the slump:

“They dived faster than one of boxer Mark Gastineau’s tomato-can opponents. . . . They’ve been blown out by a good team (San Francisco 49ers) and embarrassed by a bad one (Rams). . . . They’re a football version of Dan Quayle, always messing up at the wrong time.”

Alternative: Joe Falls of the Detroit News, writing about the winless Michigan State Spartans, said the usual announcement was made before the start of a recent game in East Lansing, Mich.:

“Attention, press. This is a working press box and there will be no cheering during the game.

“One guy said: ‘Can we boo?’ ”

Makes sense: Dick Allen, who played with the Philadelphia Phillies, Chicago White Sox and Dodgers, speaking out about artificial turf years ago:

“If a horse can’t eat it, I don’t want to play on it.”

Hockey’s Rocky: From Vartan Kupelian of the Detroit News: “The Chicago Blackhawks have a minor league goalie named Rock Belley. Wonder if he uses a chest protector?”

Calling 911: Golfer Tony Johnstone on the amount of the sand in the bunkers at St. Nom-la-Breteche, France, site of the recent Lancome Trophy championship:

“It’s so deep in some traps, you need a rope to get out.”

Trivia answer: Army, a 56-point average for nine games in 1944.

Quotebook: Chi Chi Rodriguez on his Puerto Rican accent: “I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and 10 minutes later he came back with a ham on rye.”