REBEL YELL

For “Tarzan,” this summer’s would-be animated blockbuster, Disney has commissioned a version of the breast-thumping, vine-swinging hero’s cry. We can only imagine that to achieve the perfect holler, you would have to create the acoustic equivalent of the house blend at your favorite coffee bar: not one voice, but a hearty and satisfying admixture of noise. Alas, as Disney’s PR representatives have placed a veritable pre-release information embargo on who--or what--is in the Tarzanian holler, we must engage in the merest speculation as to its contents:

* 1 part Jeffrey Katzenberg’s victory whoop over a judge’s favorable ruling in his nine-figure lawsuit against the Walt Disney Co. and former boss Michael Eisner.

* 2 parts Fabio howling upon head-on collision with low-flying goose while inaugurating roller-coaster ride in Virginia.

* 3 parts chimpanzee screeching after a week of nonstop “Tron” screenings at the El Capitan Theatre.

* 6 parts the complete audio for every Tim Conway/Harvey Korman routine on “The Carol Burnett Show” played simultaneously, sped up, raised to 80 decibels and rerecorded in THX.

* 702 parts Mickey Mouse muttering, “No comment.”