LAUGH LINES

Voting Privileges: “Red M&Ms; are back! . . . The folks that make M&Ms; asked the American people to vote . . . and they voted to bring back the red M&Ms.; Who says American voters are apathetic? Give us something worth voting for, we’ll be there!” (Jay Leno)

*

The Essential David Letterman

Top Ways NBC Is Planning on Cutting Back

10. Stop paying for entire news division--let Tom Brokaw make stuff up.

9. “Law and Order”--same amount of Law and 30% less Order.

8. Olympic coverage is done with Polaroids instead of videotape.

7. Al Roker must downgrade from Doppler 4000 to Doppler 3950.

6. Only sending Jerry Seinfeld five BMWs a day, begging him to come back.

5. Instead of real bodies, “E.R.” doctors huddle over the board game “Operation.”

3. New game show: “Who Wants to Watch ABC’s ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’?”

2. “Dateline” is now on only 43 times a week.

1. From now on, NBC equals “Nothing but Commercials.”

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.