It May Get Hairy With No Horry

Shaquille O’Neal grabbed a reporter by the lapels of his suit jacket.

Instead of twisting them, he adjusted them.

He then grabbed the reporter’s tie.

Instead of yanking it, he straightened it.

The message had been delivered, but in case there was any confusion, he said it anyway.

“It’s about that time,” the Big Tailor announced. “It’s about that time.”

Time to button up. Time to clean up.

Time to worry that somebody is going to steal the shirt off your back.

The Lakers walked away from the regular season Wednesday night with the same two pieces of awkward playoff luggage they’ve carried the last three seasons.

Oversized hopes and a carry-on concern.

The hopes are legitimate, even an understatement, for a team seemingly incapable only of bettering last year’s 15-1 postseason record.

Fifteen and four, anybody?

The concern, however, is a moving target, shifting from the arthritic big toe on O’Neal’s right foot to the belly underneath Robert Horry’s shirt.

Fifteen and fourteen, anybody?

Horry left a second consecutive game Wednesday with a possible strained stomach muscle that is serious enough to warrant an MRI exam today.

The chances of the Lakers easily winning a championship without him are only slightly better than the Sacramento Kings’ chances of beating the Lakers with Brent Price and Mateen Cleaves in their backcourt.

The final score was Lakers 109, indifferent Kings 95.

If it’s anything more than a stomachache, dealing with Horry’s condition could be considerably more difficult.

The abdominal area is like the back. There are few quick heals. There are few easy answers.

Right now, the Lakers need this about as much as they need Christina Rice.

Horry doesn’t start, but he’s their third-best weapon, and sometimes their playoff soul.

This has been his busiest and most consistent regular season under Coach Phil Jackson. But now, for him, it really gets fun.

Spring is when this casual shooter makes the big shot, when this occasional defender makes the big stop.

Spring is when this otherwise ordinary guy has won four championship rings.

The worry about Horry is no less than last year’s worry about team chemistry.

“We will be more concerned tomorrow when we get a look at that MRI,” Coach Phil Jackson said.

He underwent an ultrasound Wednesday, and no problems were found.

But the MRI--which athletes claim is an acronym for Maybe Really Injured--is the real test.

Not that anyone else in the league will buy it.

“We don’t fall for that,” Chris Webber said with a big smile before sitting the bench in a meaningless game for the Kings.

He wasn’t talking about Horry’s then-unknown injury but about the annual Laker pre-playoff problems that always seem to disappear.

“Last year was about Kobe and Shaq fighting, this year it’s about Shaq’s big toe,” Webber said. “I don’t fall for that.”

We also fell for it last year, writing that the Lakers were as fragile as a teacup, shortly before they turned into a steamroller.

It was our proudest moment since our endorsement of Nick Van Exel.

Like Webber, we’re also wary of being suckered again.

“The Lakers should be the favorite, and everybody else should be thrown in the pot,” Webber said. “They are not any worse than last year.”

If Horry is sound, then Tyra Banks’ boy toy is right, no matter what you hear.

As in the previous two seasons, there is the league spin, and there is reality.

The spin is that this team will miss the veteran leadership of Ron Harper.

The truth is that last spring, Harper played all of 42 playoff minutes, or about one of the 16 games.

Derek Fisher has become the new Ron Harper, only with more hair and skills.

The league-wide spin is also that this team will miss the rebounding and defense of Horace Grant.

The truth is, by the time the Lakers had won their second consecutive championship last year, Grant was playing the sixth-most minutes on the team.

Horry has become the new Grant, with occasional help from Samaki Walker.

The one area that Grant excelled was against Webber, a fact that did not go unnoticed by Tyra Banks’ cuddly bear.

“He pretty much played me to a standstill,” said Webber. “I don’t know too much about Samaki Walker’s game.”

But he does know O’Neal. And, aching dogs and all, O’Neal is not disappearing.

He has scored at least 32 points in four of his last six games. He has made more than half of his free throws in all six games.

He’s ready, and so is his sidekick, with Kobe Bryant having learned the difference between toughness and temper tantrums.

The two best players in the league have never seemed more together. The town has never seemed more certain.

“Three-peat, three-peat,” chanted the crowd for the first time Wednesday.

It didn’t sound like a request.

It sounded like an order.

They should hope that Robert Horry, sitting somewhere far from the court, heard them loud and clear.

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Bill Plaschke can be reached at [email protected].