Double the Trouble in Los Alamitos

There was no problem--it was just a case of faulty arithmetic. The Los Alamitos News-Enterprise said a report of “a small child heard screaming frequently for the last month” turned out to be 2-year-old twins.

Here’s something that will keep tots quiet: Debbe Nye found a product for parents who want their kids to start knitting at a very early age (see accompanying).

Not a banner year: One of the innumerable sideshow characters of the O.J. Simpson trial was Pilot Bob, who delivered his own commentary on aerial banners towed over the courthouse. One complimented prosecutors Marcia Clark and Chris Darden on their work (see photo), and another asked Clark out to lunch.

Pilot Bob, whose last name is Dobry, runs an aerial advertising service out of Long Beach, and he was back in the news the other day, protesting Huntington Beach’s ban against such banners. I guess it wasn’t a good time to ask him about the invitation to Clark.

“I was just a guy asking a girl out to lunch,” he said. Did Clark get back to him?

“I’d rather not comment,” Pilot Bob said.

He did say that he plans to fly over Huntington Beach to test the constitutionality of the law. I can’t wait to see what Pilot Bob has to say then.

Word imperfect: Tony LaHood of Irvine noticed a typo in an appropriate book title (see accompanying).

Life’s little ironies: I’m sure Will Rogers, the cowboy-turned- humorist, would have gotten a chuckle out of the sign spotted by Stuart Muller at Will Rogers State Beach: “No Horseback Riding.”

Sizing Up Saddam: An Orange County chiropractor sent The Times a fax saying he could transform Saddam Hussein into a more humane person.

“He obviously has what I refer to as a subluxated mind,” the specialist said. “His behavior would change dramatically if his body and mind were, to use a chiropractic term, ‘properly adjusted.’ ” The chiropractor, needless to say, is not the only one who would like to get his hands on Saddam.

miscelLAny: Matt Mulqueen of North Hills submitted today’s “Duh!” award-winner: instructions for a Timex watch that include a chapter titled: “How to Tell Time.” Example (in case you’re a bit hazy): “The minute hand points to the minute numbers. The minute numbers are the small numbers.”

I wonder if the instructions for my watch also said: “The minute hand will be running five minutes fast after six months.” Glitches like that really subluxate my mind.

*

Reach Steve Harvey at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 or e-mail steve.harvey@ latimes.com.