A Lot of NFL Motion Turns Into Rush Hour

It’s a grueling war of attrition, this Super Bowl tournament. Just look at some of the losses these teams have absorbed in recent days:

* CBS: Lost Dan Marino to the Miami Dolphin front office. He says the lure of trying to win a Super Bowl ring with the Dolphins was too great to pass up. So he’s coming back as senior vice president of football operations, and Jay Fiedler’s coming back as quarterback. What’s wrong with this picture?

* Fox: Tony Siragusa, world’s largest sideline reporter, has been sidelined for Sunday’s NFC final. No official word on injuries, but they are presumed to be dislocated sense of humor (where was it?) and sprained rotator cuff after wrapping his meaty arm around so many “interview subjects.”

* ESPN: Could be losing shout-it-out NFL analyst Sean Salisbury to the Arizona Cardinals, who have offered Salisbury a job as quarterback coach. (Presumably, the Cardinals believe the only thing holding Josh McCown back from reaching his full potential is daily primal-scream therapy.) Definitely has the look of a trade that will help both teams.

Meanwhile, Rush Limbaugh refuses to go away. Limbaugh hasn’t worked for ESPN in more than three months, yet his presence continues to dog these playoffs like a bad case of acid reflux.

Donovan McNabb runs and passes the Philadelphia Eagles into the NFC final for the third consecutive year and lands on Sports Illustrated’s cover, accompanied by the double entendre headline, “What A Rush!”

Then, on Sunday evening, Limbaugh will be the focus of MSNBC’s “Headliners & Legends,” a program that promises to look at “the highs and lows of the controversial radio host, from his early days in radio to his astounding success to his recent stint at ESPN and his stunning admission of drug abuse.”

“Headliners & Legends” will be on locally at 7 p.m., roughly the same time McNabb wraps up the NFC championship game. McNabb is favored to win the game, although the odds worsened with that Sports Illustrated cover. If he does, will Limbaugh finally come clean, show some sincere remorse and admit he was wrong? If Limbaugh’s half as smart as he claims to be, he has to be smarter than Pete Rose, right?

Available for viewing this weekend:

TODAY

* Arizona at UCLA (Channel 7, 3 p.m.)

The Bruins are 5-0 in conference play and if they win this one, they will be 2 1/2 games up on Arizona in the standings. The last time Arizona played UCLA locally, in the 2003 Pac-10 tournament, the Bruins won, back when they were coached by what’s-his-name.

* Connecticut at North Carolina

(Channel 2, 12:30 p.m.)

In Connecticut, they’re calling this a pretty big basketball game. And in North Carolina? What’s that? Sorry, Carolina’s football country.

* USC vs. Louisiana State

(CSTV, 11 a.m.)

Never mind Gateway’s $30-million offer to pair USC and LSU in the ultimate post-bowl bowl game. It was never going to happen, and Gateway knew it, but the company still got what it wanted: loads of publicity.

This is the only way USC and LSU are going to meet on a football field in January 2004 -- via a video game simulation, courtesy EA Sports NCAA Football 2004.

Cautionary note: When ESPN did something similar in September, playing out the entire 2003 NFL season with a video game, Emmitt Smith led Arizona to the Super Bowl championship.

* PGA Sony Open (ESPN, 4 p.m.)

Michelle Wie’s performance was eye-opening, and maybe a little sobering for male chauvinist golf snobs. Name another activity televised by ESPN in which a 14-year-old girl can hold her own against 35-year-old men. OK, besides a spelling bee.

* Clippers at Lakers

(Channel 5, Fox Sports Net, 7:30 p.m.)

Gary Payton says he didn’t sign up for this, but let’s review: Shaquille O’Neal has sat out 15 games in each of the previous two seasons, Karl Malone is in his 40s, and Kobe Bryant began this season with a felony charge hanging over his head. All three figured to miss playing time this season. Maybe they could have coordinated their schedules better.

SUNDAY

* Indianapolis Colts at New England Patriots (Channel 2, noon)

The Patriots haven’t lost at home in nine tries this season. Peyton Manning has hardly made a mistake in these playoffs. When perfection meets perfection, something has to give. And, Peyton, you’re not in Kansas City anymore.

* Carolina Panthers at Philadelphia Eagles (Channel 11, 3:45 p.m.)

Not to give Fox any ideas, but the network seems to have lost a promotional step during the NFL playoffs. Fox has shown unusual restraint covering the postseason progress of the Carolina Panthers, who are coached by a man named John Fox. With the exception of sending Siragusa in on a postgame blitz to assault the coach after last week’s overtime victory for a hug and “How does it feel?” Fox has done surprisingly little with Fox. ESPN would kill to cover a coach named Jack Espn. Either that, or invent one.

* Denmark at United States

(ESPN, 12:30 p.m.)

ESPN interrupts the long-running American soccer existentialist drama, “Waiting For Adu,” with this reminder: The United States has some other soccer players not 14, and not named Freddy, and some of them are pretty good.

* Australian Open

(ESPN2, 8 p.m.)

ESPN begins its 25th year of televising tennis, devoting at least 76 hours of coverage to the 2004 Australian Open. The network made its tennis debut on Sept. 14, 1979, with a Davis Cup match involving Argentina and the United States, featuring John McEnroe and Guillermo Vilas. Twenty-five years later, McEnroe is still making headlines, though ESPN, given its druthers, would rather see a few from Serena Williams.