‘Mysteries’ needs to just stop all that talking
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“The Mysteries of Pittsburgh,” based on novelist Michael Chabon’s 1988 debut effort, is a coming-of-ager that nearly slaughters you by minute 30 with the relentlessness of its protagonist’s voice-overs, as scripted -- with reverence and without cinematic wiles -- by director Rawson Marshall Thurber (“Dodgeball”).
“I just wanted to go outside and get some fresh air,” we hear as young Art Bechstein (Jon Foster) is about to lay eyes on the willowy blond, played by Sienna Miller, at a party. Then, needlessly: “And that’s when it happened.” Or this, later: “Suddenly, my mind went blank.” Pause. “All mental activity ceased.” What works well enough on the page, comically or otherwise, sounds like a mistake on-screen.
As if on a three-month “Stingo Scholarship” funded by fans of “Sophie’s Choice,” Art, son of a mobster money launderer (Nick Nolte), falls in with Jane (Miller) and her reckless, Nathan-lite lover, Cleveland (Peter Sarsgaard), in the summer of 1983. The triangle shifts and complicates; the voice-over narration never shuts up. The movie may be slick and acted with some conviction, but it is a fake.
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‘The Mysteries of Pittsburgh’
MPAA rating: R for strong sexuality, nudity and language
Running time: 1 hour, 35 minutes
Playing: In selected theaters
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